Those two things don't always go hand in hand. For the most part, I just let my spousal unit believe he is in charge, wise, and oozing with common sense. I've learned that it really accomplishes little to do other than let him go on applying his lawyerly logic to human relationships. I have occasionally tried to point out lawyerly logic doesn't work when it comes to human relationships (nor does any form of logic for that matter). Any success I achieve at convincing him I'm right and he is wrong rarely happens in the moment, but only after he has had time to process.
When it comes to his reaction to any potentially heated issue, I have learned two things. First, he will always react opposite to my expectations. Second, I have learned to "introduce" the topic to him, let him react to it in whatever way is his path of least resistance, and then let it smoulder for a couple of days before moving him along to my way of thinking (which he knows is inevitable anyway).
A perfect example is the issue of his sister staying at our home and caring for our two dogs while we are on vacation. I had this arranged with the daughter of a friend who loves animals and house sits. Those plans changed when his sister called to say that she and her son would be flying in from out of state for the purpose of having our nephew's ACL surgically repaired. Could they stay at our home for recuperation? Absolutely, and even better my sister-in-law will be here while we are on vacation so she and her son will have the place to themselves. She'd be more than willing to take care of our pets, flowers, etc.
Coincidentally, I've been allowing our two dogs to sleep outside of their crates since they are housebroken. One of the dogs has been doing fine. In fact, Roxie willingly goes into her crate to sleep, even though I have provided her with a bed outside of the crate. It's her den and she clearly prefers it. The other dog does not particularly like his crate. He has relished in having a soft doggie bed (next to me on the floor) to curl upon at bedtime. However, he also has been getting me up either in the middle of the night to go out, or rather early in the morning (earlier than I want to get up as a teacher on summer break). I've heard my husband say on a couple of occasions that "You are going to have to get him trained not to do this while my sister is here." He has also mentioned moving their crates out of our bedroom and into our basement (as far away from our bedroom as is possible) while my sister-in-law is here (and using our bedroom) so as not to inconvenience her.
Well, I have let it go for a few days, and then when walking the dogs together at the park yesterday, finally brought it up. "....uh, about this issue of Captain getting up....." I reminded him that Captain was being a good boy by letting me KNOW he NEEDS to go out; better than the alternative. Then I reminded him that we are talking about dogs, not children (who by the way I couldn't suddenly potty train in anticipation of going on vacation either), and that his sister did agree willingly to take care of our pets (I doubt she realizes what she is getting into).
Finally, I let him know that I would be more than willing to go ahead and have our dogs boarded at an excellent kennel where they would have a suite, lots of room to run, people playing with them, their area cleaned daily, and so forth....at a price. That last bit I think made all the difference. His response was to be very agreeable and say "Oh I know...she agreed to take care of them and so will have to deal with them as they are." I was hoping he would actually tell me to have them boarded, where I know they would get attention and be loved, not just tolerated. I'm not sure my "logic" worked this time.
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