Am I Being Tested?

I have had a couple of rough days. They happen infrequently, thankfully. Heh! That's it...a number of my family and friends are posting on Face book what they are thankful for, so maybe today's should read I'm thankful that days like the last two don't happen all that often.

I got snapped at about a little thing (at least it was to me) that was an error of omission on my part and unintentional (those are the most hurtful kinds of snaps to receive), one daughter was in an accident (her fault) and I fear the mother of the other driver is going to be one of those who has her son go around wearing a neck brace. I quite by "accident" found out from the officer at the scene that when I left the scene, the mother of the young man (who was positively a gentleman, even though his mother is apparently not a lady) followed him around trying to convince him he was hurt.

I talked to another daughter at around midnight last night, sobbing because of her nasty roommate who has absolutely no respect for the fact that my daughter also lives in the dorm room, bringing people in at all hours, out drinking, never brushing her teeth or taking showers, making the room smell because she smokes and is dirty...you get the picture?

Today I had to rush in and have some of my mid-quarter Progress Reports rerun because I had mistakenly misread or something...the cutoff date for having grades entered into our program and therefore had to adjust some grades. I was in the process of doing that yesterday when my daughter called me to come to the scene of the accident.

I have been quite a bit behind in some things at school. It happens. I'm used to that; but today I fell even further behind when our priest came to visit. Now don't get me wrong; I am thrilled our new priest wants to be involved in the school, but someone needs to explain the situation to him. We have a schedule, we have lessons to teach; time is always the enemy to a teacher. It is THE most challenging thing when it comes to teaching...time management. Even five minutes makes a huge difference to a teacher. Minutes are EXTREMELY VALUABLE in a classroom. He visited my classroom for about 45 minutes or so; he wanted to answer questions from my students. Do you know the kinds of questions first graders come up with?

They are frequently:

1. Not questions at all, but stories or statements (like my mom's cousin's birthday is on Thanksgiving).

2. Questions they couldn't understand even if the priest could answer them himself (like when was the universe created...and being a former engineer, our priest actually tried to answer all the questions like that, in length...like taking five minutes to ten minutes to answer...and by the time he finished he had long lost that child's attention).

3. Repetitive...and even so our priest didn't point out that they were repetitive but answered them again...and at the same length.

4. Embarassing....(I got REALLY lucky this time)

This didn't just happen to me. I think it happened to at least three other teachers. It was exhausting. Oh, also...we had our little letter cards out spread all over the tables getting ready to practice some spelling and by the time he left the kids had theirs all mixed up with their neighbors.

While he was there, one little girl kept putting her foot up on her chair and you could see her underwear, a little boy kept doing what boys (and men) do, and adjusting himself...making me think he had to desperately go to the restroom, some of them became totally uninterested and pulled out a book to read, etc., etc.

And OF COURSE...I didn't know what to do...to say...do I stop him, do I tell him we are out of time, do I tell him they have to probably go to the bathroom, do I cut him off? I mean after our principal, he is sort of the big boss. Will she say anything to him? I think he is a good guy. I just don't think he understands...and.....again...he is a former engineer...they sort of think like lawyers and that is something I know about.

Another Parental Rite of Passage

I just returned from a two-day orientation session for Mary at DePaul University in Chicago. Ed, Mary and I spent the first day together, and then they separated us for the second day, although I know many of the same topics were covered, albeit from two very different perspectives.

This is the fourth time we've been through a college orientation (and another milestone...it will be the last). While not all of them were at the same school, they do have a lot in common. The same things are covered...housing, transportation, scheduling, time management, getting banking set up, financial aid, and on and on and on. The real juxtaposition occurs when we parents sit in on sessions run by current student panels and staff, and are shown things through what I know (because I've been through this before) but other parents don't know (because they are first timers) are rose-colored glasses.

I wanted to stand up and say "Get real." a number of times when parents asked questions about co-ed dorms (which they pretty much all are now and have been for some time), having guests of the opposite sex in rooms (which has pretty much been allowed for some time), and the question which always comes up about alcohol use. I just want to say, "You've laid the foundation. If they want to make a poor choice, they are going to make a poor choice."

My philosophy is and has always been to build a strong relationship of trust with your children. If you do (or maybe I'm just lucky) they will come to you...they will come and tell you they screwed up, and it is usually after the fact because they are in some sort of trouble, or they just feel guilty about it, or they found themselves in a situation which they thought they wanted to explore and suddenly it frightened them. When they come to you, it is a time to ask them if they learned something. It is not a time to yell at them or impose an overly punitive consequence. Usually the experience is lesson enough.

That doesn't mean you have to smile and say "It's OK honey." You CAN express your disappointment and displeasure. It's such a balance. In one session the presenter asked parents to raise their hand if they had ever made a poor choice. I don't think there was one person who did not raise his or her hand.

I'm by nature an observer. I've always been on the quiet side in some situations. I like to stand back and just watch. I've learned from observing. I've seen parents do things and I've watched the results, and I've learned what not to do. I've told my girls from the outset that I am not their friend. Yes, they've said to me from time to time...so and so's mother and she are best friends. From my observations, nine times out of ten that girl is or will be in some sort of major trouble. I of course also tell them I'm not so and so's mother, I'm YOUR mother. I've told them there will come a time when we will be friends, and that is happening now, but not until they are through high school and possibly college (or close to it).

I am not overly punitive and strict. I probably should have been a little more so sometimes, but when I've watched the parents of some of my daughters' friends adopt a "no tolerance" stance on some issues, those are the very girls who live a lie when it comes to their relationship with their parents. They rebel. You have to give them some freedom. You trust them until they give you reason not to.

The dynamics of every family is different. Girls are different than boys, parents do things differently. No one is absolutely right and no one is absolutely wrong. Maybe my philosophy is partly born of who my children innately are, how Ed and I have learned to balance it all, not only in dealing with things about which we have disagreed (which is sometimes REALLY hard to work out or maybe you don't even really completely work it out), but also in dealing with the distinct personalities of our daughters, and the interrelationships that exist in a family of six.

There are moments when your children come to you to own up to something, or to express how stupid what someone else their age did was, and you look at each other with a look that says "We did something right." It is very affirming. One of those moments was at orientation when we gathered back with Mary and she mentioned how a couple of the guys in her group were so immature. "Mom, one of them actually asked the Dean of Students...the DEAN OF STUDENTS, 'So what happens if we get caught smoking weed?' They are so immature!" Unless Ed and I are THE most naive parents there are, I have to say we have THE most amazing daughters.

Poop!

I don't think there is a picture I can attach to this one.

When I got going on this blog and gave it a name, my oldest asked me what Seshat was. I explained. She then told me it sounded sort of like the tongue twister about selling seashells by the shore. It sort of came out as Sheshat instead of Seshat. She told me it sounded like a sentence...She shat...which in turn sounded like the past tense of She shit.

When she told me that I thought maybe I should change it. But then....isn't that really what I'm doing...sh-i-t-t-i-n-g? After all, I'm "emptying" my thoughts, getting it all out of my system...you know what I mean.

What is coming out is another issue. Whether it has any value, I really can't say. It might simply be crap, but it makes me feel better.

No One Knows It All

This morning I was on my way to church (the desire to write something comes at the most inconvenient times) when I decided (after reading the Sunday paper, what there is of it in Indianapolis) that no one should start any editorial type of writing without saying "I don't presume to be completely knowledgeable, but...."

The older I get, the more I realize how little anyone really knows about anything. Even those, especially those, who have strong opinions have a skewed outlook based upon their philosophical or political bent. Our brains tend to filter out the sort of knowledge that might actually make us look at things differently and change our minds. We close ourselves off from it. We avoid it. We rant and rave and evade anything that might make us stop and say..."oh." Not only do we do this, but we condemn anyone who would dare disagree with us. This is why, politically and otherwise, I consider myself a (gasp, dare I admit it) fence sitter, and someone who does not like to be associated with a particular political party.

Fence sitting is something that traditionally has not been looked kindly upon. I will be the first to admit that when there is someone in the media, a blogger, a journalist, etc. who I particularly respect for his or her thinking and approach to an issue, someone with whom I happen to agree, it is easy to place that person in high esteem. Even when I find it hard to be objective, at least I can admit it. The problem with most of what I see out there on television, radio, and the newspaper, is that no one can admit that they might be wrong. I watch both sides...liberals and conservatives...and I see such hypocrisy...equal hypocrisy...and neither side will admit it.

Take the issue of the economy. The current, brand new administration, especially during the campaign, blasted the right for causing the current economic mess. Can anyone actually say that this whole mess is the fault of the previous administration? And I've seen it go the other way as well. I don't believe the current administration is out to, when we aren't looking, turn us into a global economy, or a socialist or communist nation. Let's all just be willing to admit that we don't know it all...I don't know it all, our President (whoever he or she is in the past, now, or in the future) doesn't know it all; for sure neither Bill O'Reilly or Al Franken know it all....Bill just makes me cringe, and I just can't look at Al without laughing.

I really think there ought to be a new party called Middle Americans. We should take over the media so we can get rid of the impression that if you are a liberal you are a communist, take advantage of the system, want an easy ride, etc., and that if you are a conservative, you are an abortion clinic bomber, good ol' boy, white ango-saxon male chauvanist pig.

I for one don't want to be associated with either side and I think most Americans would probably agree, but "I don't presume to be completely knowledgeable."